ID:266007
 
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Hey everyone, I want to make a really eerie and deep intro for my game. I'm using names from Heretic at the moment because I've gone blank for names. So don't worry about that anyway. Link for game at the bottom.

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In the beginning when the great Seraphs created the heavens,
our world was formless and empty, and darkness covered the land.
A period long forgotten in our Ancient Past.
This was to be start of the battle between good, and evil...
Because from the darkness came forth demons,
soon to devour our world.

The Grand Seraphs created five lights,
each said to guide those pure of heart to salvation.
From these came forth men and women...
In the image of each Grand Seraph.

Faced with the unforviging void,
heroes from each group guided their kin underground.
Sancturay from the evil...
Plants and animals from their light...
But it was not meant to be...

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The idea is that you've got demons storming this underground city and you could possibly be the next hero. It's going to be multiplayer by the way. The survival aspect is purely psychological apart from slaying demons and all that. I want to create a real sense of urgency and uncertainty but with a glimer of hope slowly fading.

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So what do you think, what can I improve?

I'm not a writer so this is something new and interesting I want to try.

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http://dungeonquestbyond.webs.com/

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It doesn't feel very eerie to me. However if you accompany it with some atmospheric audio and definitely some in-game cinematics it maybe would.
In response to Duelmaster409
Ah okay, cool. Thanks.
In the beginning when the great Seraphs created the heavens,
our world was formless and empty, and darkness covered the land.

I thought of the Biblical book of Genesis as soon as I read that.
In response to The Ending Cross
Yes, I took the first lines of Genesis and edited them for my story. I wanted something people could relate to.