Everybody knows the quote, "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Unfortunately I cannot agree with this.
Today I went to a party with my girlfriend and her family and this party was for her family. They figured it would be a great way for me to meet the family. Well what I wasn't expecting was that to get there, we would have to drive through Hagerstown. For those who don't know what this has to do with anything, here is a story.
First of all it is important to know that I have mild depression issues and no I am not 'emo' or 'goth' and for any of the twelve year old trolls who are going to bother resorting to petty labels - suck it.
Anyway - If you read the autobiography I did awhile ago that went over how BYOND has influenced my life, you would have caught that 6th and 7th grade were a living hell for me. I was teased and I was essentially an outcast. With exception of four people. These four people I still to this day talk to and can talk about anything to. I'm confident saying that they are true friends.
I'm an only child and don't have a father, so my mom has had a couple relationships in which I experienced somewhat of a reoccurring father figure. However we never lived with one of these individuals except one when I was an infant. Well, eventually my mother met a guy and after around a year she asked me if I would be okay with moving in with him. I was overwhelmed! I could finally leave my hell-hole of a life and start over!
That's exactly what I did. We moved in with him in Hagerstown. This was the best part of my life. I had friends, a social life and lived in what I thought was the greatest place on the planet. Mind you this was my eighth grade year. A lot of who I am now was sprung off of my experiences there. I developed an image, found my (perhaps overly mature?) personality and overall - Had the time of my life.
Well, then came the news that we were moving back (with my new father figure). Well, I figured it was just one of my mother's epiphanys that would never happen. After all, we were happy here.
Well the last week of school I came home to boxes and was shocked - this was really happening. Well, it comes down to this. I started my Freshman year and my intelligent and mature personality and view on things combined with my Junior appearance won me a place among Sophomores and Juniors. Don't particularly talk to many people from the Freshman class. Yes, this is current. I am a Freshman in high school. Regardless, my life is still pretty good. Two and a half months with an amazing girl, plenty of friends, and good grades.
However I live on 150 acres of field, trees, and cow shi- ... crap. Yeah, I live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. My life is still nothing compared to how it was in Hagerstown.
Now back to today's trip. I realized how close we were to all the laughter, puppy love, and memories. Sneaking out at night to go hang with friends, skipping class and ducking out on teachers in the bathroom, getting into trouble(nothing major, of course), and I'll never forget how I was known as "the rocker kid" seeing as I was pretty much the only guy in the school who matched the whole 'punk' getup.
I started to think - "What would it have been like if I never got to experience that taste of Heaven?" Well, maybe I wouldn't have such bittersweet memories. To live through hell and then tossed into Heaven for a year before being thrown back into hell. Maybe it would have been better to live in hell without the memories of how something so perfect was taken away from me. I wouldn't have regret of thinking how I could have prevented them from moving back down here.
Maybe it is better to live through hell with no glimpse of light. Oh, and to make it better, mom and my father figure split earlier this year.
Anyway - I'll leave you with a quote:
Don't take what you have been given for granted. Cherish it and never let go. Don't make the mistake I made and not defend what you love.
(I didn't spell check so sorry for typos.)