How's progress going on my games lately? It hasn't. I fell off that horse. My muse smacked into a brick wall like a bird hitting a windshield and has yet to show any signs of life. Last month went to coming to grips with becoming a brony. This month, I picked up the complete Sword of the Stars collection for $7 and immediately fell in love with it - Raptr has 146 hours logged for the past 3 weeks I had it. I regret ever leading anyone on about my developer aspirations because I have thus far completely failed to motivate myself sufficiently work any of the hundreds of kilobytes of code I wrote in a playable state.
Where most postcards would say, "wish you were here," I think the postcard from Waithood would read, "wouldn't even wish my worst enemy was here." I've been tooling around out of school for nearly a year now, and the parents are about ready to put their foot down. Find a job, get back to school, whatever. Only trouble is, it's not like I've been slacking off deliberately, I've just been in a massive fail state.
If you learn any essential career skill while you're in school or whatever, learn this: how and where to market yourself. Frankly, I'm a complete ignoramus in this manner. Either it's so obvious that it's completely under my radar, or I don't have the faintest idea what employers want to hear and where to go out there and find out. The typically advice I receive is generally worthless: get out there and look. Get out where, exactly? When you have the whole world to investigate, the possibilities are paralyzing. It seems to me that the best answers will take the form of opportunities you can't bet are going to manifest. So the best policy is to start looking now.
Lacking much in the way of hope, I continue to waste my days. If I don't actively choose to do something, my fingers will choose for me, often taking me on a tour of my most frequent internet haunts. My habit is currently to visit Rock Paper Shotgun, Penny Arcade, Sluggy Freelance, Broken Toys, Escapist Magazine, and (as of my discovering MLP:FIM last month) Ponychan. The sad thing about that is they're about 30 minutes of content a day that I end up trying to stretch into 16 hour days.
This is the danger of an idle mind and another essential life skill worth learning: how catch yourself procrastinating and commit to doing something - anything - before you return to your idle habits again. Maybe I've got ADHD? I don't know. I just know I can't seem to get the shit I need to do done, locked in a perpetual avoidance pattern that has spanned months.
Next week, I'm going to see a therapist about why I'm in such a mega, king-sized rut. If the solution ends up being taking some kind of medication to fundamentally modify my brain chemistry, so be it: the unmodified me has proven nonviable. However, knowing the sad way American psychological treatment works, I'll likely be put on hold for months before they reach that diagnosis.
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