In response to KA_Stokes
In response to KA_Stokes
KA_Stokes wrote:
... drug prohibition ...

I'm interested.
Lmao was that a joke?
In response to KA_Stokes
Okay, now that I have some time I can provide some actual criticism.

You need to set your sights absurdly, vastly lower. I want to say that ideas are a dime a dozen, but that's significantly overvaluing them, and unfortunately all you really have right now is an idea. Investment won't come—unless you can find people who are woefully naive and optimistic—without having some sort of proof of concept or demonstration or work-in-progress that shows not only you have something to show for all your ideas but which can also show you can achieve your goals.

Something based off Dragon Ball Finale (or whatever it's called) is far, far from satisfying these requirements. Take a step back and reconsider how the video game industry, and honestly any industry, works. You need to greatly lower your expectations.

It seems your hopes to get this all off the ground are based solely on your writing getting big. Because of that, you should focus first and foremost on learning to be a better writer. I looked over what you have, and you need a lot more practice. I'm not going to cite every problem detail here, but the two big ones are that you need to learn to: (1) show, not tell, and (2) realize that writing is a lot more than conveying details as they happen. You go into way too much detail on mundanities that can be inferred or glossed over. For example, the last sentence of your first chapter ends in this paragraph.

He pulls out a pair of handcuffs from a pouch on his utility belt. and handcuffs the Slaver with his hands behind his back. From his other pouch, he pulls out a pair of shackles and shackles the man's legs. He pulls out a blindfold from handcuff pouch and blinds him.

Basically all of this is unnecessary. All the audience needs to be informed of—at most—is that he arrests him. The reader can fill in the blanks.

Your Sources of Inspiration page has a paucity of written works. Good writers read. A lot. That's basically advice number one to any person who wants to write. You need to beef up that list of things you've read by a considerable margin.

My last point of criticism is this small sentence here,
The story world is completely built
You claim here you've worked on this for about two years, so I find it highly suspect that the world is "completely built" in any meaningful sense. There is a lot of empty pages on your website, and quite frankly what's there is slim. Some is swiped from Wikipedia (which you legally need to cite), and some is very sparse details.

The reason I bring up these points is that there are a few media in particular you cite as inspiration, just to relate to the creative process.
  • J. R. R. Tolkien worked on his legendarium starting in World War I and continued to work on it for the rest of his life. It was 38 years between the time he first started working on The Fall of Gondolin, the first story set in what would become his Legendarium, and the time that The Lord of the Rings was published—itself a work that he had spent twelve years on.

    Tolkien never considered his legendarium a finished or "completely built" work. Up until his death, he revised the Silmarillion or worked on its internal and external (e.g., theological and philosophical) background.
  • Mass Effect had a four year development cycle, and when Mass Effect 3 was released the setting had been in development for eight years, and still was subject to changes. As Mass Effect: Andromeda shows, Bioware has continue to work and build the setting. It's certainly not complete in any sense.
  • In a similar vein, the Elder Scrolls series has been in development for 24 years, though TES really became TES with the release of Morrowind in 2002 with Kirkbride's insanity and influence on the setting. Dating from then, that's still 16 years of development. Kirkbride, though no longer officially involved with TES, still produces new work (e.g., c0da) which brings about new ideas (such as the Amaranth, the Towers) and events (such as the Landfall) to the setting, and which change the interpretation of the setting and its future considerably. As such, it's clear that TES is in no way "completely built".

That's quite a diatribe, but my main point—and a point I make hearitly as an avid worldbuilder whose has been developing a setting for six years now and which I can not conceive of a scenario where I would call it "complete"—is that if you believe you have developed the your setting completely, it is in all likelihood extremely underdeveloped. By thinking you've detailed all there is to detail or all you need to detail, you've missed an unfathomable amount of which there is to detail.

I wish you the best of luck, but you very much need to reanalyze your work and reevaluate your expectations if you want to have any hope of making your dreams even an approximate reality.
In response to Popisfizzy
Thanks for the constructive criticism, Popisfizzy.


Thanks for the response back as well.

Where do I start?

I think I wasn't clear enough describing my story's reality the first time. My story's reality is completely based off of contemporary reality with some Gal Civ and Mass Effect 3 tech, magical creatures, and a magic system, thrown in.


It required about the same level of reality building as Harry Potter, which essentially is just the real world with magic and magical creatures.

The industry I'm aiming to work in is action fantasy comic/mangas and anime. I don't consider myself in the same genre as Mass Effect,LOTR, or TES. I'm pioneering a new genre in comics.

Previously mentioned intellectual properties are indirect competition.

IPs like Naruto and Dragonball are more direct competitors, but I actually do not have a direct competitor as of yet, in the same way that Superman didn't have a direct competitor when he came on the scene.

My only obstacle is getting people to believe that crime fantasy has the ability to generate profit.


I haven't had anyone say that my ideas don't have the ability to generate profit, and I've only had one person say that it has the ability to generate a ton of profit.
So I guess my work's cut out for me.



Your criticisms on my writing is valid, but my writing style does come from me writing with a future comic and movie in mind. I'm basically writing like I'm describing what happens to a animator to put on the screen.The things wrong with the way I write that you've brought up won't show in a comic because only dialogue will remain.

My novelette is simply a showcase of ideas for a comic, ideas that I believe have potential for profit because lesser manga/comic/anime ideas have made substantial profit.


You said a game based off of Finale is too simplistic for my goals. I wholly agree. The game is for attention, nothing more, nothing less, and the game will garner attention unless people would rather make fan fiction that will never make profit for Dragonball Z or Naruto fan games. This I will come to know in the coming few days.



Popisfizzy, thanks for actually looking at my stuff!

I'm still working on the Wiki so alot of the sparseness will be dealt with in the next few days.

I had no idea that the stuff I took off of Wikipedia needed citing. Thanks for letting me know that!

Popisfizzy if you don't mind, I would love to have a look at what you've been working on.

If anyone has any questions, just hit me on my pager, or previously mentioned email.

Here's updated information on the Byond Game:
https://mysticaseries.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Byond_Game
In response to PrinceCuck
Nah, I'm deathly serious. What makes you think it's a joke?
In response to Kozuma3
Haha.

Here's Some Similar Information that You May Enjoy Looking At:


https://mysticaseries.wikia.com/wiki/ Mystica:_The_Game_Default_Planetary_Statistics


For information on the game as a whole, go here: https://mysticaseries.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Byond_Game

In response to KA_Stokes
Popisfizzy if you don't mind, I would love to have a look at what you've been working on.

https://sites.google.com/site/theheartlanddb/
In response to Popisfizzy
I'm impressed by the level of depth you went into by your lonesome. I started out wanting to be the greatest high fantasy fiction writer when I was 16, but quickly realized that reality building required for that was past my level of passion, but eventually I found my niche.

Found that I was more interested in discussing the societal issues and writing action scenes than creating languages and histories.

How's the Heartland Civil War coming along?


Gonna find sometime to read The Beggar and the Hooded Man this week.


In response to Bravo1
Bravo1 wrote:

I just want to point out that this is beautiful.
In response to Bravo1
Bravo1 wrote:


Feel like the outer legs need more knee join emphasis. Shooting it could knock it back where back leg stumbles or lays down with leg pointing inward. Shoot off the head and the legs come at you blindly fast while the head flips over at you and sweeps toward you with gnarley teeth made from the black slits. Anyway, I like it.
In response to PopLava
PopLava wrote:

Feel like the outer legs need more knee join emphasis. Shooting it could knock it back where back leg stumbles or lays down with leg pointing inward. Shoot off the head and the legs come at you blindly fast while the head flips over at you and sweeps toward you with gnarley teeth made from the black slits. Anyway, I like it.

Thanks! I'm not sure if I could pull that all off properly, all the animations for this creature are done via transforms and I don't have an amazing grasp on how to get them to flow together without going haywire so I'm trying to keep it relatively simple for now. Perhaps on another creature though.

Also: It makes me very happy that you recognized those lines as being slits in its body. I wasn't sure if that would come across properly as I'd never really attempted to draw something like that before. =)

In other news, I'm working on another enemy type:



Can anyone guess what they look like in the light?

In response to Bravo1
Bravo1 wrote:
Can anyone guess what they look like in the light?


In response to Flick
Nope!


Also, I figured it'd be neat if lighter enemies like these little buggers could be handled easily with the tether beam. It like the feel of catching them mid-air.
I swear if you give up on this one, I will find you, and I will cut you.
In response to Nadrew
Nadrew wrote:
I swear if you give up on this one, I will find you, and I will cut you.

I'm having far too much fun getting these awesome reactions. I don't think I'm going to stop anytime soon. Instead, I'll wait right up until release and then say "nah, forget it."

;P

Edit: I set up a Patreon Page. https://www.patreon.com/Bravo_One

Edit #2: Spooky fog/smoke

It's been a bit slow on updates here, I see.

Right now I'm working on an implementation of the ChaCha20 encryption algorithm, of which I'm mostly done. Tonight I got it working on the test vectors from the the IETF's RFC:
Key:        000102030405060708090a0b0c0d0e0f101112131415161718191a1b1c1d1e1f
Nonce:      000000000000004a00000000
Counter:    1
Plaintext: "Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99: If I could offer you o
            nly one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it."
Ciphertext: 6E2E359A2568F98041BA0728DD0D6981E97E7AEC1D4360C20A27AFCCFD9FAE0B
            F91B65C5524733AB8F593DABCD62B3571639D624E65152AB8F530C359F0861D8
            07CA0DBF500D6A6156A38E088A22B65E52BC514D16CCF806818CE91AB7793736
            5AF90BBF74A35BE6B40B8EEDF2785E42874D

A couple other miscellaneous examples.
Key:        814071b1441dfc3741817576dd1fda649406574df2cb221093dc3a05fed2dca6
Nonce:      73501a6fa25b7eb657a6fb4e
Counter:    0
Plaintext: "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do
            eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut e
            nim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris n
            isi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in
             reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat n
             ulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident,
             sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."
Ciphertext: 551E34122F39F16049E519243861DC6B99284088E295D65C9AB93215B7A6DB6B
            A54A7E5ADAF9291EA35DD3A45B974E1549EECAF87A1BAE88D45091E99A9BFFDF
            44C351BAF49F0C8C0DB6BD9D913120A05B48772D851B430DDF9FEA16BC802A64
            676DAE784060CCF7853D51CFB1B85271477C201E0CB9102E73744EC9592FEEB0
            C151457A627B2F846A38B509ED8315B1DB61B338EC8CFDDF403B00A853AA37E9
            5A21DACE02A2FA379360DADEDEFD800135547CE386E8747FCA2D6F5DB71A17D8
            7A4F24734600942311D79BDA6B9037D51CA9A69CB081361A1C1A0EF854C34550
            A0660B33F7177D2575FE5716240EF3A52E17CE4215A3A9F1FB586EAAC4E94898
            A1BCA0A90F9C6EACB618DC6BA11FDFBD28603B5876A6051E3997EA6C72C8FCAF
            AF1DE0748D03453B4F0905A0EF27A4CC135883099E464B6C2235ED72B0F2EBAA
            6265EE57D8A4AFA7F4D681142F94A3949BB7C98FCA0CE0713907F21EF01FF8CE
            1EA078BF7B2AC407A7E10752F3F054298D40AF4E14A734D87D563B5E90EA1985
            A09D58658F00922AE066EC7B67709448A45452DED085B1B724988A2C3D371649
            24077A999E49DA83EF324A1A72748CB3F93ACD0F64939DE14D14DA13CB

Key:        d3fb2bbe8ec1d8a5d1348140008e8af8b06f18eeb5567b9e62b9b6bfe8333bb3
Nonce:      220c36d80ff917fcc4f1674c
Counter:    0
Plaintext:  "[1:1] In the beginning when God created the heavens and the ear
             th,\n[1:2] the earth was a formless void and darkness covered t
             he face of the deep, while a wind from God swept over the face
             of the waters.\n[1:3] Then God said, "Let there be light"; and
             there was light.\n[1:4] And God saw that the light was good; an
             d God separated the light from the darkness.\n[1:5] God called
             the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was
             evening and there was morning, the first day."
Ciphertext: B64941173818E4D3FB6DAE1C905D6A2BA5EF293D7A769DFF89A32EF7720A327B
            0B47D2EE95806656675880303DD2AFE3D8EE5CAFC47A4DB72BD41358A35DF0A6
            5C490295BC0428C2EC977DCA0AB0EBDCC28E5B5F3C25177FDBA4DA99301DA58B
            ECCA54A15AE9A11F8D0764193F47774C42B1175B5324D06CDBE1F4460912417B
            6F1D49BDA3BE2B4C4D332C46E9225A8D396666DB6A405663280AE6D1E9BAD24A
            DDFCF6493D4A3C9A80A119EEC6942BDDB534937275C0A1FA9C6B399FB4D9960B
            C77BCEAC94A25505BEB4CA5963725558D30C3357E2C143C259A5499848109B01
            5B22BA4B796C4D7F8D948386FE5BA1F5FAC4DFC949E7E7E2D8F776D0080D739D
            1550E83590D42D71562877C53E6A2ADB26226ECF89B45AC73B9358DE5A7B4B27
            3F034DA0A7D582D003DA4147A8F4C0117C4DC5DF6ED6F3F577B0BD55302E3E65
            28D703388C00BCAC9D1573DB284B60422309C75F5D82D5DD9A832AF7666EBAC6
            42D80CEEE18823FC3F6FE46FA360DECC752DDF8E9C95F48A38E27C011DB528E5
            ACDA9AEA93989C1329E010F6C22EFC8290B552BD0EB48EB4EA055A64D7DA2003
            BB8E24C598B00752A8C5C87773C005312A7B6F870C02CEC3B475BFD39F19D712
            4994C41406DCF4E494AC2CFC0F5E4139D274CE81108B550489C006561D9C8CD7
            F209C3C2

Obviously super impressive when you don't actually have the algorithm to decrypt them with you, huh? The library should be ready to publish sometime this week, so y'all can test it yourself and see that I'm not bullshitting you.
That's pretty awesome, Pop. Glad to see other crypto libs added.
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