Dubious health news
An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
Hrm. Logically, if you eat only one apple every 48 hours--or exactly one half-slice of an apple every day--you rip a doctor in two and keep only half of their maimed, perhaps now undead, corpse away.
Better be careful about your apple consumption, or you could be responsible for a lot of messy golf courses!
Sure, just keep telling yourself that. Just don't come crawling back when you're being chased by a pair of severed legs with an M.D. but no torso. (Mostly because, as a rule, crawling isn't a good idea when you're being chased by angry body parts).