ID:2028
 
I received my Facade installation disks tonight. The game requires 256 MB of memory and a 1.6 GHz processor, but I figured, hey, I'll just put up with the slowness on my 192 MB/400 MHz system; it can always swap to disk to make up the memory shortfall, right?

After installing, uninstalling, and reinstalling the game (during which I was blocked by a "you must have 1.6 GHz" popup, after which an Internet search revealed I could bypass the check with shift-F12 right after launching the program, after which I kicked off the reinstallation and popped over to the liquor store next door for a bottle of red wine, which was mildly ironic in light of things to come), I finally played my first game!

And, as if that weren't good news enough, you can share in my joy of discovery -- because the game automatically creates a script for you! Let me add that the transcripts below are completely unedited, and that I chose the name "Jesper" because, of the selections available, it was the closest to Jethro.


FACADE STAGEPLAY
Tue Jul 12 18 46 25 2005

JESPER
Hello?

(JESPER points to the elevator button.)

(JESPER points to the elevator button.)


Yes, I failed to notice the apartment door behind me and ended the game by calling the elevator.

On the second try, I made it much further, but there were still some problems. The gap between timestamps is due to the fact that, though the game's splash screen warns of a potential one-minute loading delay, it's a four-minute loading delay on my system, for obvious reasons.


FACADE STAGEPLAY
Tue Jul 12 19 04 39 2005

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?

TRIP
What, Grace... this?

GRACE
Yes, you know how I feel about it --

TRIP
I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!

GRACE
You know I've had to ask you about this several --

TRIP
Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!

GRACE
Fine, Trip... fine...

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Uhp, he's here!

GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!

TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!

GRACE
Trip...!

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Jesper knocks on the front door.)

(Trip opens the front door.)

JESPER
Let's throw back some brewskis!

JESPER
Trip!

JESPER
Hello?

JESPER
You all right, pal?

(JESPER picks up the red wine bottle.)

(JESPER kisses trip.)

(JESPER kisses grace.)

(JESPER puts down the red wine bottle.)


I should point out that the transcript between Trip answering the door and me putting down the bottle represents about five minutes of wandering around the apartment and being stared at. Finally I ended the program because, despite (or perhaps because of) my tireless efforts, I couldn't get them to do anything but stare.

Now, I want to emphasize that I was playing the game on a computer whose processing power was exactly 25% of the developers' recommended minimum, so it's far too early to pass judgment. Instead, I'll get up far too early tomorrow morning and try it on my work computer, whose exact specs I don't know but I'm pretty sure they meet the developers' criteria.

In the meantime, I'll just have to wonder what "it" is she wants him to get rid of. Judging by the overall direction of the conversation, I think it may be his tallywhacker.

Stay tuned!
I see you have quickly let Lum start ruining your life again!
_>
Knock spammer.
Sounds fun!