It just makes sense to me to make it so if you have a penis you're assigned the mens restroom

bonus privilege for having both maybe? or neither and give them a bucket to use outside.

The existence of waste release facilities is cringe-worthy. How have you lesser humans not learned to have a perfectly-functioning digestive that produces no waste and, in fact, generates excess energy you can sell off to power companies? You all are just pathetic.

Cloud Magic wrote:

+9999 internets to you.

In high school I used to draw penises and turtles on the restroom walls. Most graffiti was gang related, but since I wasn't in a gang, I had to create my own, so I invented the Penis Gang and Turtle Mafia. In retrospect I feel sorry for the janitor who had to keep painting over those dicks I was drawing, he seemed like a pretty chillax guy. The type of guy you'd smoke 3 or 4 weeds with.

An even more elaborate story is when I had my 2nd job out of high school, I had fuckboy managers who were consistently pissing me and just about everyone else off and since for some reason there's laws against kicking people's asses, I had to find more creative ways to get back at them. One day one of the cooks left his white cook coat in the locker room and walked back out for a few minutes. All of the cooks carried Sharpie markers in their coat pockets because they used them to write labels or dates on food containers. I took the Sharpie out of his coat pocket and drew a large penis on the wall, complete with strands of hair hanging off the scrotum, and then put the Sharpie back.

I went back to washing dishes and after 10 minutes I hear one of my coworkers laughing hysterically. He yells at me "Hey, did you see the dick on the locker room wall?"

"Nope."



I follow him into the locker room to see what he's talking about, because I totally didn't know which dick he was referring to. The managers came in too and were pissed off. They called the building maintenance guy in to come paint over it, and then later on I was sitting outside with some more coworkers out in the smoking area ( I don't smoke, I just like to hear people rant so I sat out there with them ) and they were all talking about who they think drew it.

I was the best employee at the place by far. Did my job in a timely fashion, was never late, no write ups for anything, so no one suspected me. Instead, there was this gay guy who had recently been hired, and one of the guys sitting next to me said "You know who I think it was? That new gay dude. Whoever drew it is obviously someone who fantasizes about dicks. Plus, we didn't have a graffiti problem until he was hired."

Apparently he told this to the managers and they called the gay guy into the office and questioned him about it. A few days later, I overheard him during lunch saying he denied drawing it but they still wrote him up for it anyway. In retrospect I feel sorry for the gay guy. When he wasn't talking about his ex-boyfriends, he was pretty chillax. I would've probably smoked 1 or 2 weeds with him.

At a distance.

But hey, it's not my fault someone irresponsibly left a permanent marker in my vicinity while I was in a locker room by myself. Restaurant cooks need to be more careful. I'm not the person in the wrong here. Society is wrong. ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME.

I prefer lavatory

Fugsnarf wrote:

I prefer lavatory

When I was younger and I heard people say "lavatory", I'd always think they were saying "laboratory" ( because I used to watch Dexter's Laboratory on TV all the time ) and I didn't understand why they kept calling it a laboratory because there weren't any computers in the restroom.

:(

Some people just want to take a raunchy shit without their dangly bits in question.