I find myself sitting here wondering what is wrong with me.
I get myself into situations I shouldn't get into. When it becomes clear I should get out, do I? No, I get myself in deeper. I fall worse in love, I get more attavhed, I get angrier at a person, whatever the case is the result is the same, I know what I should do and I never do it.
I push to learn things that I know I don't want to know, things that I know will hurt me, but I don't let it be, I push and push until I finally know, and then regret the fact that I do.
I make decisions I know I'll regret later, but that never stops me. I make mistakes that I KNOW are mistakes, over and over and over.
Don't get me wrong, I TRY to avoid doing these things. I don't try to screw up my life, I don't want to get myself more and more hurt. I just do. I know this can't be right, can't be normal. I know most people aren't like this. It feels like something inside me is majorly broken, and it only seems to be getting worse.
I need to fix it, but I don't have the slightest clue how, nor even what it is I really need to fix. I'm completely lost, I feel like I can't even trust myself anymore.
Feb 12 2007, 9:14 pm