A dwarf's tale. >Opinion<

ID:317698
 
Feb 19 2012, 10:44 am
Keywords: novel
A dwarf's tale.
Hi there, thankee BYOND community for introducing me to Dwarf fortress, it's given me an idea. I've been deciding to write a novel for quite some time now, but I needed inspiration. This is what I needed, a roguelike game based on Dwarves. So I've started, I am working my way through one third of chapter two at the moment. Here's a little extract from the story so far.

The wind was soft on his face, he put his hand out and felt his surroundings. 'Where am I?' Fillbert asked himself, 'Guys?' he blinked and stood up. His surroundings had changed, he was no longer on the mountain. 'It's about time you got up.' Fillbert's vision was blurred, so he didn't see who was talking until they approached him, a weathered-faced man came into focus. ' I was beginning to wonder whether you were really dead or sleeping.' His saviour looked rather tall from Fillbert's point of view, he was beginning to get curious. 'Well, I did get hit on the head with a rock...' he muttered, 'Where are the others?' the man appeared confused,' Others?' he asked Fillbert.
'There were three others with me before I passed out, we were travelling together.' he replied to the man. 'Where are they now?'
'I didn't see anybody else around when I picked you up... you must be a dwarf, no?' the man smiled, changing the point of the conversation.
'Yes, I am a dwarf... but what are you?' Fillbert asked. The man raised an eyebrow and gave his reply, 'I am human, are dwarves not educated about the outside world and what creatures it holds?'
'We're barely educated at all.'
The man laughed and shrugged Fillbert's answer away, 'You have much to learn.' he chuckled, 'Come with me, we'll get you into some new clothes.'
Fillbert blushed, realising that he was only wrapped in a towel beneath the bed cover. 'Are you sure there was nobody else around when you picked me up?' he sniffed, 'Only, I was beginning to get quite attached to them.'
The man's tough, lined face looked even more tense when he said this.

There it is, how is it? Please give me some feedback. I'd love to know if it's suitable and if the fantasy theme is to overused to get it published when it's finally finished. ;)
#1 Feb 19 2012, 10:51 am
Looks good!Think you could actually get it published?
#2 Feb 19 2012, 10:51 am
hello
#3 Feb 19 2012, 10:52 am
@Serveris6
Looks good!Think you could actually get it published?

I don't know, hopefully. It'd be great if I could make it good enough.
#4 Feb 19 2012, 8:19 pm
It's not bad. It's certainly better than a number of stores I've seen around here. The thing is, if this is an opening to the story, it's a pretty boring and kind of cliche one. Also, you have some wonky formatting in a few places. As for getting published? Not likely. Publishers probably receive hundreds of manuscripts a day, and they only publish what they think will net them a profit. Unless you're already published or you have an in with someone, as that awful Paolini kid did, your chances are very slim.
#5 Feb 20 2012, 7:11 am
In response to Popisfizzy (#4)
Popisfizzy wrote:
It's not bad. It's certainly better than a number of stores I've seen around here. The thing is, if this is an opening to the story, it's a pretty boring and kind of cliche one. Also, you have some wonky formatting in a few places. As for getting published? Not likely. Publishers probably receive hundreds of manuscripts a day, and they only publish what they think will net them a profit. Unless you're already published or you have an in with someone, as that awful Paolini kid did, your chances are very slim.

Just a note on the formatting: It's much easier to format a novel after you've finished the rough draft. That way you can format it while proofreading it, killing two birds with one stone.
#6 Feb 20 2012, 8:40 am
I'd love to get the actually story done before I start formatting, but I agree with you. I don't know how Eragon got it's own movie. Eragon is positively the worst fantasy novel I have ever read. I would also like to note that this isn't the intro, it's pretty deep into the second chapter. Thankee anyway.
~ Bumblemore, 15.
#7 Feb 20 2012, 12:50 pm
On another note, this seems like a serious novel. You know, more like LotR than HP. Well, that may not be a good idea, since the best way to make a serious novel good is to make it realistic. Make it seem like this could actually happen, even if it's fantasy. It's sorta hard to explain.