WARNING: Due to the formatting, this is really really long.
As some of you probably know, I like to play World of Warcraft. I'm sitting around in Orgrimmar, one of the towns for my character, doing the whole mage thing (sitting around and pretending to look busy enough to not get asked for portals because I'm really playing NES sound files to a friend through WoW's in-game voice chat) when I notice a couple of people in guild chat complaining about a level 35 hunter named Hunterkingg begging the 70s (maximum level) for a run through Scarlet Monastary (dungeon). Before I get the chance to type /who Hunterkingg, I've already received a message from him. How prompt.
"Okay. Start heading there while I finish selling stuff." He runs right out of the city while I buy a bunch of worthless items from the shopkeeper.
I put these on, remove my extra stuff and head to the monastary. Hunterkingg is already there and waiting. I pull out some weak, downgraded spells and step through the entrance portal.
"u can just run through and use EA on all of these enemies. i think its EA. the thing you spam." (He meant Arcane Explosion, a bomb-like area effect that hurts enemies all around me)
So I went right ahead and pulled about 10 mobs and Interrogator Vishas (boss) and proceed to spam my Rank 1 Arcane Explosion. With very little health and no extra spell power, needless to say I wasn't standing for very long. Wipe #1.
Hunterkingg: "ROFL" "okay very funny, now put ur gear on."
Hunterkingg: "ur gear. put it on"
Sarm: "I'm already wearing it."
Around this time we both get back into the instance.
Sarm: "I'm sorry. I'll kill them one at a time."
Hunterkingg: "omg no, u should be able to kill them all in one hit. why are you so weak?"
Frostbolts, away! The enemy still had about 90% of her health remaining by the time she walked up to me and I keep plinking away with frostbolts. The hunter starts shooting and inevitably pulls aggro off of me, making the enemy attack him instead. He uses a hunter skill to play dead (making the enemy forget about him), gets back up, shoots some more, pulls aggro a second time and finishes off the mob himself. He sits down to eat and I run down the hall.
Sarm: "I'll keep going."
I shoot one enemy and pull a patrolling enemy. They both begin beating on me while I do my best to get those weak frostbolts to fire. All of the damage I'm taking is making the spell take forever. The hunter gets up and attacks both enemies at once (as bad hunters tend to do) and feigns death again. I stop casting and begin using my staff to attack instead.
Sarm: "My melee is better than my magic."
Hunterkingg: "omfg whats wrong with u"
I manage to kill one enemy to death with my staff and I die. The hunter levels up and escapes.
Hunterkingg: "okay this isnt funny anymore, put ur gear on."
Sarm: "I'm wearing it."
Hunterkingg: "omg no, you had rly grat [sic] gear on in town and now youre wearing that"
Well, to a level 35 my gear probably looks godly, I guess...anyway, I pull Interrogator Vishas and wipe around this time.
Hunterkingg: "check ur bags, u should have blues and greens."
Sarm: "Those sell for a lot of money. I'm going to pull again." (I haven't stopped to eat or drink after reviving)
He feigns almost immediately. I splatter along the ground. Wipe #4. I run back and he's still on the ground.
Hunterkingg: "dont move."
Sarm: "You died."
Hunterkingg stops feigning death and faces his character in my direction.
Sarm: "You're alive."
Hunterkingg: "put ur gear on."
Sarm: "How did you come back to life?"
Hunterkingg: "its a hunter skill. i play dead."
Sarm: "I'm pulling now."
Hunterkingg: "NO STOP!"
Hunterkingg: "how old r u"
Sarm: "I'm 15." (I'm 23)
Hunterkingg: "did u buy ur character"
Sarm: "My birthday was yesterday. :)"
Without giving a warning I start to pull again. Hunterkingg begs and plead but alas, I wipe. Death #5.
Sarm: "Let's try the library. That might be easier."
Hunterkingg: "library is harder"
Hunterkingg: "how did you get to 70"
Sarm: "I got the game yesterday."
Hunterkingg: "do u bot"
Hunterkingg: "My mom got the game for my birthday and she let me follow her her while she played." (From level 1 to 70 in one afternoon? Come on...)
Hunterkingg: "look, check ur bags for blues and greens and use them." (blue and green items are rare pieces of equipment with better than normal stats)
Sarm: "I found a green."
Hunterkingg: "put it on"
I equip my [Green Winter Hat] (a holiday joke item) and start running.
I pull Interrogator Vishas with a frostbolt and start attacking with my staff.
Sarm: "Wow. I found a new button. I'm going to try it."
Sarm gains Hypothermia. (10 seconds of invincibility with the side effect of making enemies ignore me for a while)
Sarm: "I'm safe."
Hunterkingg, however, was not. Somehow I manage to kill Vishas, and turn around with the other mob attacking me so I can point and say "You died." He revives and I link the boss's loot; [Bloody Brass Knuckles]. Worthless item.
Sarm: "Do you want these?"
I traded them to him anyway.
Sarm: "I'm going to pull again."
Hunterkingg: "WHY DOES UR GEAR SUCK?"
Sarm: "Should I get them enchanted?"
Hunterkingg: "WHY ARE U SO STUPID"
Sarm: "That's not very nice."
Hunterkingg: "U R THE BIGGESST NOOB EVER INTHE GAME OF WoW" [sic]
I run into the library wing and he follows me. I start to pull and talk at the same time. I'm telling all about this adventure in guild chat, and The guild Message Of The Day is changed with Hunterkingg's quote as a trophy.
Sarm: "How do you report someone?"
Hunterkingg: "y do u want to report me"
Sarm: "Because it's not nice to spam but I don't know how to report people."
Sarm: "Look, I'm winning."
Hunterkingg: "im sry, ill be good"
Sarm: "That bad guy is running, lets get her."
The mob runs away and into two other groups of enemies. I follow them, pull, wipe.
Sarm: "I have a yellow man on my screen now." (This means my gear is breaking)
Sarm: "Let's try the armory now."
I respawn in the graveyard anyway and head down the hall. The hunter is alive, but he's not showing up on my map. Odd...I run out and Hunterkingg is standing next to an undead priest.
Hunterkingg: "thats the mage"
Hunterkingg: "watch him play"
An enemy respawns behind the priest and begins hitting him.
Sarm: "You're under attack."
I bounce over with my mighty staff and clobber half of the enemy's health.
Sarm: "Oh wow, I have a wand."
I wand him the rest of the way.
Hunterkingg: "invite the priest"
He joins the group.
Hunterkingg: "watch this"
I reset the instance and wipe just like before. This is my 7th death. We've been doing this for an HOUR.
I boot him from the group, lead the priest to the Cathedral dungeon, put on my normal gear and give him and his nephew a full clear. The End.
Dec 27 2007, 2:11 pm