My mother has changed her mind. After putting more thought into this, she has decided to stay in Ireland.

I just wish she hadn't sent that email if she wasn't sure in the first place. Now my dad's going to have to be let down, and I'm probably going to be the one who has to hear it.

However, the older of my sisters wants to move back to the United States. She wants to be more of a daughter than before (her words). That pretty much seals my decision as well. I don't know which infuriates me more - the fact that even if I DID have a choice, I wouldn't know what to do...or that between the two of us, my sister's reason is a noble one while I'm the selfish twit. Some Christian I turned out to be.

Of course, my mom wants us to make our own choices independantly of each other, but she also said that up until now, she was still basing everything around everyone else's needs. After that, how could I possibly make a decision to move back as well out of my own selfish wants? In retrospect, my previous journal entries are laced with wanting to move back, yet here I am claiming to try being neutral. I'm such a hypocrite.

So I guess this means I'm stuck in this damn country for the rest of my life, then. Who would be able to watch over my youngest sister when my mom finally gets a job? If she's sent back to the US too, she'll slowly die to the weather. Thank you Lupus. Besides, I wasn't able to just buckle down and get through high school, so at least now I'm going to be good for something, even if it's just being the part of babysitter.

Damn it.