ID:176
 
Stumbled upon this in a thread on the JP forums. I thought it might interest some of the BYOND community as well.

HEAVY METAL:

The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and !&$%s the princess


GRIND METAL:

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...


POWER METAL:

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest


TRASH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and !&$%s her....... easy and quick



FOLK METAL:

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all
the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess


VIKING METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves


DEATH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, !&$%s the princess and kills her, then leaves


BLACK METAL:

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the
deflowered princess


GORE METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, !&$%s the princess and kills her....then he !&$%s again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, !&$%s the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and !&$%s it for the last time


DOOM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well


PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques
learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist


GLAM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color


INDUSTRIAL METAL:

The protagonist arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.




Which one are you?
I'm not familiar with all these subtypes of metal. I basically know three kinds: Ozzy-style that has tunes, noise-style that doesn't have tunes, and Metallica-style which is somewhere in between. Me, I like the Ozzy-style.

Go ahead, flame away. :)
Oh, but you can't forget the lyric categories (IE Death, Violence, Satan, Nonsensical, Women, etc.) and, of course, ridiculous solos or not :-)

I have found, growing older I suppose, that dark and angry music appeals less and less while classical music appeals more and more. There are exceptions, of course. But yelling, whining, and invoking darkness in music just seems so...childish most of the time. Of course, talent and vision make a big difference. Hence I also like Ozzy and Metallica (mainly older, pre-Black) but also like Evanescence (sp?) which is sufficiently intellectual in its gothy angst and backed up by skillful musicianship.

I also like the concept of killing dragons less and less... I mean we all know how much trouble armed men have caused, but how many people have ever been hurt by a dragon? Skewer the knights, I say! :-)

Know any gore-metal bands? >:)
Hey Ebonshadow, I have a question. A bit off topic. What do you use to record?
You forgot Speed Metal:
Protagonist enters the castle, plays the kickdrum at breakneck speed for 50 minutes into the chest of the dragon before lasting for 3 minutes with the Princess.

;p
You forgot Speed Metal:
Protagonist enters the castle, plays the kickdrum at breakneck speed for 50 minutes into the chest of the dragon before lasting for 3 minutes with the Princess.

Sounds a bit like trash metal!
i prefer it metalica-style
You forgot Speed Metal:
Protagonist enters the castle, plays the kickdrum at breakneck speed for 50 minutes into the chest of the dragon before lasting for 3 minutes with the Princess.

But the kick drums! THE KICK DRUMS!

-Thorg
nice i like this
There are philosophies behinds metal that many of you are unaware of leading to it being misjudged by the typically brainwashed mainstream society.
What about "Math Metal" like Mudvayne? Or would that be considered Progressive?
Math metal is generally considered Prog metal.
Kickdrums? You all mean bass drums, right?

And I love me some Cradle of Filth, In Flames, Lamb of God, and Nile...
kick drums are bass drums.

Im Flames rocks \m/