In response to KA_Stokes
KA_Stokes wrote:
... drug prohibition ...

I'm interested.
Lmao was that a joke?
In response to KA_Stokes
Okay, now that I have some time I can provide some actual criticism.

You need to set your sights absurdly, vastly lower. I want to say that ideas are a dime a dozen, but that's significantly overvaluing them, and unfortunately all you really have right now is an idea. Investment won't come—unless you can find people who are woefully naive and optimistic—without having some sort of proof of concept or demonstration or work-in-progress that shows not only you have something to show for all your ideas but which can also show you can achieve your goals.

Something based off Dragon Ball Finale (or whatever it's called) is far, far from satisfying these requirements. Take a step back and reconsider how the video game industry, and honestly any industry, works. You need to greatly lower your expectations.

It seems your hopes to get this all off the ground are based solely on your writing getting big. Because of that, you should focus first and foremost on learning to be a better writer. I looked over what you have, and you need a lot more practice. I'm not going to cite every problem detail here, but the two big ones are that you need to learn to: (1) show, not tell, and (2) realize that writing is a lot more than conveying details as they happen. You go into way too much detail on mundanities that can be inferred or glossed over. For example, the last sentence of your first chapter ends in this paragraph.

He pulls out a pair of handcuffs from a pouch on his utility belt. and handcuffs the Slaver with his hands behind his back. From his other pouch, he pulls out a pair of shackles and shackles the man's legs. He pulls out a blindfold from handcuff pouch and blinds him.

Basically all of this is unnecessary. All the audience needs to be informed of—at most—is that he arrests him. The reader can fill in the blanks.

Your Sources of Inspiration page has a paucity of written works. Good writers read. A lot. That's basically advice number one to any person who wants to write. You need to beef up that list of things you've read by a considerable margin.

My last point of criticism is this small sentence here,
The story world is completely built
You claim here you've worked on this for about two years, so I find it highly suspect that the world is "completely built" in any meaningful sense. There is a lot of empty pages on your website, and quite frankly what's there is slim. Some is swiped from Wikipedia (which you legally need to cite), and some is very sparse details.

The reason I bring up these points is that there are a few media in particular you cite as inspiration, just to relate to the creative process.
  • J. R. R. Tolkien worked on his legendarium starting in World War I and continued to work on it for the rest of his life. It was 38 years between the time he first started working on The Fall of Gondolin, the first story set in what would become his Legendarium, and the time that The Lord of the Rings was published—itself a work that he had spent twelve years on.

    Tolkien never considered his legendarium a finished or "completely built" work. Up until his death, he revised the Silmarillion or worked on its internal and external (e.g., theological and philosophical) background.
  • Mass Effect had a four year development cycle, and when Mass Effect 3 was released the setting had been in development for eight years, and still was subject to changes. As Mass Effect: Andromeda shows, Bioware has continue to work and build the setting. It's certainly not complete in any sense.
  • In a similar vein, the Elder Scrolls series has been in development for 24 years, though TES really became TES with the release of Morrowind in 2002 with Kirkbride's insanity and influence on the setting. Dating from then, that's still 16 years of development. Kirkbride, though no longer officially involved with TES, still produces new work (e.g., c0da) which brings about new ideas (such as the Amaranth, the Towers) and events (such as the Landfall) to the setting, and which change the interpretation of the setting and its future considerably. As such, it's clear that TES is in no way "completely built".

That's quite a diatribe, but my main point—and a point I make hearitly as an avid worldbuilder whose has been developing a setting for six years now and which I can not conceive of a scenario where I would call it "complete"—is that if you believe you have developed the your setting completely, it is in all likelihood extremely underdeveloped. By thinking you've detailed all there is to detail or all you need to detail, you've missed an unfathomable amount of which there is to detail.

I wish you the best of luck, but you very much need to reanalyze your work and reevaluate your expectations if you want to have any hope of making your dreams even an approximate reality.
In response to Popisfizzy
Thanks for the constructive criticism, Popisfizzy.

Thanks for the response back as well.

Where do I start?

I think I wasn't clear enough describing my story's reality the first time. My story's reality is completely based off of contemporary reality with some Gal Civ and Mass Effect 3 tech, magical creatures, and a magic system, thrown in.

It required about the same level of reality building as Harry Potter, which essentially is just the real world with magic and magical creatures.

The industry I'm aiming to work in is action fantasy comic/mangas and anime. I don't consider myself in the same genre as Mass Effect,LOTR, or TES. I'm pioneering a new genre in comics.

Previously mentioned intellectual properties are indirect competition.

IPs like Naruto and Dragonball are more direct competitors, but I actually do not have a direct competitor as of yet, in the same way that Superman didn't have a direct competitor when he came on the scene.

My only obstacle is getting people to believe that crime fantasy has the ability to generate profit.

I haven't had anyone say that my ideas don't have the ability to generate profit, and I've only had one person say that it has the ability to generate a ton of profit.
So I guess my work's cut out for me.

Your criticisms on my writing is valid, but my writing style does come from me writing with a future comic and movie in mind. I'm basically writing like I'm describing what happens to a animator to put on the screen.The things wrong with the way I write that you've brought up won't show in a comic because only dialogue will remain.

My novelette is simply a showcase of ideas for a comic, ideas that I believe have potential for profit because lesser manga/comic/anime ideas have made substantial profit.

You said a game based off of Finale is too simplistic for my goals. I wholly agree. The game is for attention, nothing more, nothing less, and the game will garner attention unless people would rather make fan fiction that will never make profit for Dragonball Z or Naruto fan games. This I will come to know in the coming few days.

Popisfizzy, thanks for actually looking at my stuff!

I'm still working on the Wiki so alot of the sparseness will be dealt with in the next few days.

I had no idea that the stuff I took off of Wikipedia needed citing. Thanks for letting me know that!

Popisfizzy if you don't mind, I would love to have a look at what you've been working on.

If anyone has any questions, just hit me on my pager, or previously mentioned email.

Here's updated information on the Byond Game:
In response to PrinceCuck
Nah, I'm deathly serious. What makes you think it's a joke?
In response to Kozuma3

Here's Some Similar Information that You May Enjoy Looking At: Mystica:_The_Game_Default_Planetary_Statistics

For information on the game as a whole, go here:

In response to KA_Stokes
Popisfizzy if you don't mind, I would love to have a look at what you've been working on.
In response to Popisfizzy
I'm impressed by the level of depth you went into by your lonesome. I started out wanting to be the greatest high fantasy fiction writer when I was 16, but quickly realized that reality building required for that was past my level of passion, but eventually I found my niche.

Found that I was more interested in discussing the societal issues and writing action scenes than creating languages and histories.

How's the Heartland Civil War coming along?

Gonna find sometime to read The Beggar and the Hooded Man this week.

In response to Bravo1
Bravo1 wrote:

I just want to point out that this is beautiful.
In response to Bravo1
Bravo1 wrote:

Feel like the outer legs need more knee join emphasis. Shooting it could knock it back where back leg stumbles or lays down with leg pointing inward. Shoot off the head and the legs come at you blindly fast while the head flips over at you and sweeps toward you with gnarley teeth made from the black slits. Anyway, I like it.
In response to PopLava
PopLava wrote:

Feel like the outer legs need more knee join emphasis. Shooting it could knock it back where back leg stumbles or lays down with leg pointing inward. Shoot off the head and the legs come at you blindly fast while the head flips over at you and sweeps toward you with gnarley teeth made from the black slits. Anyway, I like it.

Thanks! I'm not sure if I could pull that all off properly, all the animations for this creature are done via transforms and I don't have an amazing grasp on how to get them to flow together without going haywire so I'm trying to keep it relatively simple for now. Perhaps on another creature though.

Also: It makes me very happy that you recognized those lines as being slits in its body. I wasn't sure if that would come across properly as I'd never really attempted to draw something like that before. =)

In other news, I'm working on another enemy type:

Can anyone guess what they look like in the light?

In response to Bravo1
Bravo1 wrote:
Can anyone guess what they look like in the light?

In response to Flick

Also, I figured it'd be neat if lighter enemies like these little buggers could be handled easily with the tether beam. It like the feel of catching them mid-air.
I swear if you give up on this one, I will find you, and I will cut you.
In response to Nadrew
Nadrew wrote:
I swear if you give up on this one, I will find you, and I will cut you.

I'm having far too much fun getting these awesome reactions. I don't think I'm going to stop anytime soon. Instead, I'll wait right up until release and then say "nah, forget it."


Edit: I set up a Patreon Page.

Edit #2: Spooky fog/smoke

It's been a bit slow on updates here, I see.

Right now I'm working on an implementation of the ChaCha20 encryption algorithm, of which I'm mostly done. Tonight I got it working on the test vectors from the the IETF's RFC:
Key:        000102030405060708090a0b0c0d0e0f101112131415161718191a1b1c1d1e1f
Nonce:      000000000000004a00000000
Counter:    1
Plaintext: "Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99: If I could offer you o
            nly one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it."
Ciphertext: 6E2E359A2568F98041BA0728DD0D6981E97E7AEC1D4360C20A27AFCCFD9FAE0B

A couple other miscellaneous examples.
Key:        814071b1441dfc3741817576dd1fda649406574df2cb221093dc3a05fed2dca6
Nonce:      73501a6fa25b7eb657a6fb4e
Counter:    0
Plaintext: "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do
            eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut e
            nim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris n
            isi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in
             reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat n
             ulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident,
             sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."
Ciphertext: 551E34122F39F16049E519243861DC6B99284088E295D65C9AB93215B7A6DB6B

Key:        d3fb2bbe8ec1d8a5d1348140008e8af8b06f18eeb5567b9e62b9b6bfe8333bb3
Nonce:      220c36d80ff917fcc4f1674c
Counter:    0
Plaintext:  "[1:1] In the beginning when God created the heavens and the ear
             th,\n[1:2] the earth was a formless void and darkness covered t
             he face of the deep, while a wind from God swept over the face
             of the waters.\n[1:3] Then God said, "Let there be light"; and
             there was light.\n[1:4] And God saw that the light was good; an
             d God separated the light from the darkness.\n[1:5] God called
             the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was
             evening and there was morning, the first day."
Ciphertext: B64941173818E4D3FB6DAE1C905D6A2BA5EF293D7A769DFF89A32EF7720A327B

Obviously super impressive when you don't actually have the algorithm to decrypt them with you, huh? The library should be ready to publish sometime this week, so y'all can test it yourself and see that I'm not bullshitting you.
That's pretty awesome, Pop. Glad to see other crypto libs added.

Mounts in Feed are officially completed and implemented at long last. Mounts can be found as random event spawns around the map as you play. You may mount them by interacting with them and interact while mounted to dismount. Note that you cannot pickup or interact with stuff while mounted and your mount *can* be stolen by other players if you're not paying attention!

Mounts negate all weapon weight from your movement speed and often provide a faster movement speed than alternative methods. October is nearly here and that means Feed season is upon us and i'm excited to share all the really neat changes that have been made!
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