HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong

life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's
it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears

out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you
live

longer; that's like saying you can extend the life

of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.

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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a

Cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?
Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field
grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give
you 100%
Of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable
products.

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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine, that means they take the water out

of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that
way. Beer is also made out ofgrain. Bottoms up!

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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio

Is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is
two to one, etc.

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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is:

No Pain...Good!

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days

in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little

Soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want

a bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO??? Cocoa beans - another
vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to
me.


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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you

May have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well

preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in
one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"


Tell me what y'all think of it! I think it's hilarious!