I hate Chuck Norris.

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ID:34094
 
Aug 21 2007, 8:27 am (Edited on Aug 21 2007, 11:02 am)
Keywords: chuck, norris
Well for a while now the Hollywood icon known as Chuck Norris has been blown to huge proportions in the form of joke "facts" over the internet that spread from a Conan O'Brien episode, which lately made it's way to the clothing industry and even has been spotted on shirts in Nazi Wal-Mart.

Personally I can't stand Chuck Norris, very lame in my opinion. In fact I figure I'll throw a little list together for you of some real Chuck Norris facts, both that I've heard and that I've decided to reveal myself.

The real Chuck Norris Facts
1) When Chuck Norris jumps in a pond he doesn't get wet... the water gets soiled.
2) It's no coincidence that Chuck Norris and Michael Jackson have never appeared in public together.
3) Brokeback Mountain was originally titled "The Biography of Walker: Texas Ranger"
4) Chuck Norris has no friends on MySpace. Not even Tom.
5) Chuck Norris is so old his memory is in black and white.
6) Chuck Norris is so ugly, the last time he got a piece of ass was when his hand slipped through the toilet paper.
7) Chuck Norris was born a quadruplet to his Ego, his Talent, and his Intelligence. Sadly the latter two were stillborns.
8) According to his opinion on Religion, Chuck Norris refuses to believe in Evolution until he catches up with the rest of us.
9) Chuck Norris's semen can cure cancer, too bad he has AIDS.
10) Chuck Norris masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.


Now it's time to blow up an orphanage.
Aug 21 2007, 9:05 am
Prepare to be round house kicked to the face. Or flamed, whichever comes first.
Aug 21 2007, 9:07 am
You just failed badly. >_>'

Yeah, the jokes are old now, but it doesn't mean Chuck sucks.
Aug 21 2007, 9:12 am
It's semen, not seamen. Jesus christ.
Aug 21 2007, 9:51 am
TNN, those last 2 are retarded. I mean, you can cure(well, slow down) AIDS in it's early stages, which would prolong life...I think....so I say we let him jack off to himself(besides, it's what's cool these days, everyone's doing it)
Aug 21 2007, 10:54 am
Chuck Norris Rules!...<)-,-,)
Aug 21 2007, 10:54 am
I've also hated the Chuck Norris crap that floated around. He was a homosexual looking cowboy, get over it people!
Aug 21 2007, 11:03 am
Chuck Norris sucks, Yankees suck, Krypton sucks!
Aug 21 2007, 11:36 am
*sets a severed Chuck Norris foot on fire and hits TNN*

Hah! You just got flamed and roundhouse-kicked at the same time!
Aug 21 2007, 11:38 am
At least they aren't as bad as the Chuck Norris/Master Chief jokes I see over at the Bungie forums when looking for something to read at work...
Aug 21 2007, 12:19 pm
lulz @ defending a fraud.
Aug 21 2007, 12:34 pm
Yeah...too bad he's too famous to care if someone doesn't like him or not. Those jokes gave him some sort of immortal status. Especially Conan's clips.
Aug 21 2007, 1:50 pm
He roundhouse kicked a bear in W:TR...I mean, you should at least respect him(the trainer, I mean, how do you train a bear to take a roundhouse kick, and not bite off the head of whoever did it?!?!).
Aug 21 2007, 2:01 pm
hm usually the jokes are positive X_X
Aug 21 2007, 2:47 pm
You have displeased The Chuck.
Aug 21 2007, 4:28 pm
Disturbed Puppy wrote:
He roundhouse kicked a bear in W:TR...I mean, you should at least respect him(the trainer, I mean, how do you train a bear to take a roundhouse kick, and not bite off the head of whoever did it?!?!).

I dress up in a bear suit sometimes too.
Aug 21 2007, 5:01 pm
Chuck Norris jokes have finally been dying. The latest stupid internet fad is now 'epic lulz'.
Aug 21 2007, 5:21 pm
Well, look at it this way:

I'm a Chuck Norris Facts fan, but I'm not a Chuck Norris fan... I've only ever watched him in anything on accident (or someone else I was around was watching one of his movies or TV shows)...lol

But the facts themselves are pretty damn funny to me... It's the absurdity of the entire thing, really, that makes it funny... You don't even need Chuck to make the "joke" funny... There are numerous other similar lists for other "stars" like Vin Diesel and Mr. T...
Aug 21 2007, 5:34 pm
Squeegy wrote:
*sets a severed Chuck Norris foot on fire and hits TNN*

Hah! You just got flamed and roundhouse-kicked at the same time!

l
o
l
Aug 22 2007, 9:45 am
Mr. Norris will be informed of this post shortly.
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