Greetings from Waithood in Off Topic

ID:112391
 
Apr 23 2011, 7:09 pm (Edited on Apr 23 2011, 8:13 pm)
Keywords: motivation
How's progress going on my games lately? It hasn't. I fell off that horse. My muse smacked into a brick wall like a bird hitting a windshield and has yet to show any signs of life. Last month went to coming to grips with becoming a brony. This month, I picked up the complete Sword of the Stars collection for $7 and immediately fell in love with it - Raptr has 146 hours logged for the past 3 weeks I had it. I regret ever leading anyone on about my developer aspirations because I have thus far completely failed to motivate myself sufficiently work any of the hundreds of kilobytes of code I wrote in a playable state.

Where most postcards would say, "wish you were here," I think the postcard from Waithood would read, "wouldn't even wish my worst enemy was here." I've been tooling around out of school for nearly a year now, and the parents are about ready to put their foot down. Find a job, get back to school, whatever. Only trouble is, it's not like I've been slacking off deliberately, I've just been in a massive fail state.

If you learn any essential career skill while you're in school or whatever, learn this: how and where to market yourself. Frankly, I'm a complete ignoramus in this manner. Either it's so obvious that it's completely under my radar, or I don't have the faintest idea what employers want to hear and where to go out there and find out. The typically advice I receive is generally worthless: get out there and look. Get out where, exactly? When you have the whole world to investigate, the possibilities are paralyzing. It seems to me that the best answers will take the form of opportunities you can't bet are going to manifest. So the best policy is to start looking now.

Lacking much in the way of hope, I continue to waste my days. If I don't actively choose to do something, my fingers will choose for me, often taking me on a tour of my most frequent internet haunts. My habit is currently to visit Rock Paper Shotgun, Penny Arcade, Sluggy Freelance, Broken Toys, Escapist Magazine, and (as of my discovering MLP:FIM last month) Ponychan. The sad thing about that is they're about 30 minutes of content a day that I end up trying to stretch into 16 hour days.

This is the danger of an idle mind and another essential life skill worth learning: how catch yourself procrastinating and commit to doing something - anything - before you return to your idle habits again. Maybe I've got ADHD? I don't know. I just know I can't seem to get the shit I need to do done, locked in a perpetual avoidance pattern that has spanned months.

Next week, I'm going to see a therapist about why I'm in such a mega, king-sized rut. If the solution ends up being taking some kind of medication to fundamentally modify my brain chemistry, so be it: the unmodified me has proven nonviable. However, knowing the sad way American psychological treatment works, I'll likely be put on hold for months before they reach that diagnosis.
#1 Apr 23 2011, 7:39 pm
Pony... chan?
#2 Apr 23 2011, 7:46 pm (Edited on Apr 23 2011, 8:46 pm)
That is correct. It's a bit like 4chan... except MLP:FIM focused. From what I gather, there ended up being so much pony in 4chan that it started being disruptive. (Something being disruptive on 4chan is certainly quite the feat - that board is infamously pure unrefined disruption.) Anyway, ponychan was the result.
#3 Apr 23 2011, 9:04 pm
"The typically advice I receive is generally worthless: get out there and look. Get out where, exactly?"

Local stores and franchises. Working at Starbucks wont let you buy a mansion but it's enough for you to live independently.
#4 Apr 23 2011, 9:37 pm
Local stores and franchises. Working at Starbucks wont let you buy a mansion but it's enough for you to live independently.

Part of the problem is I'm such a pessimist that I assume those jobs are usually already taken. But, you know, actually trying would improve my odds significantly.
#5 Apr 24 2011, 5:36 am
My suggestion: stop talking so much about doing stuff (TWO YEARS, man!), and actually do something. That's the best way to get motivation. ;)
#6 Apr 24 2011, 11:56 pm
Dextroamp-Amphet takes away a lot of social anxiety and it improves your ability to think clearly. At least in my case it did. If it wasn't so expensive, I might have continued taking it.

In the first week, I didn't sleep very well but once my body adjusted and I started taking it early and regular, I had no problems sleeping.

The doc started me off at 10mg.

Interviewing doesn't lock you into taking the job if they offer it. In fact, it's prolly good practice to interview at places you wouldn't want to work so you can get some practice in and get good at saying, "no thanks".

I'd also recommend interviewing at crazy, weird, odd, and definitely start-ups while your young. Once you go corporate, its hard to go back.

They tend to lock you in for life and leaving can cost you tons of money (stocks).

Remember, interviews are supposed to be two way. Your interviewing them while they are interviewing you.

Good luck. Please share what you learn about being once of us game developer types. ha!
#7 Apr 25 2011, 3:17 pm
I'm in such an incredible rut right now that I'm entirely sure how to go about interviews at the moment. Nor am I really sure how this whole meeting with a Therapist will go tomorrow. Would be nice if they prescribe me something as effective as Dextroamp-Amphet - something that improves my focus while relieving anxiety - but it could be when I speak with them tomorrow they'll prefer a non-chemical solution or send me home with the same old tired solutions I've been failing at for months. It's a drag to mull over.
#8 Apr 25 2011, 9:12 pm
Without down time, there can be no up.

Prolly just need to get out more which can be a challenge (I know). Join some type of activity club. Hiking, boating, tennis, table tennis that gets you movin. :)
#9 Apr 27 2011, 6:42 pm (Edited on Apr 27 2011, 6:48 pm)
Looks like the Therapist I spoke with the other day agreed that I am indeed under significant enough anxiety to bear medication, so I get to look forward to trying some of that out just as soon as I see my primary care provider later this week.

I know I should get out more, but I'm in just too much of a rut. Part of the issue is that a lot of my anxiety is social in nature so clubs, by virtue of being largely social activities, tend to be highly against my preferred activity.

We'll see how I feel with that once modern science starts working its magic against my brain chemistry. I'm not sure what I'll be prescribed exactly, though I did ask for something that's not too addictive (no worries about that unless I was going to be given some kind of tranquilizer, they said) and potentially improve my focus (whereupon the Therapist made no comment - I suppose this isn't exactly something you make requests about).