Before I begin, let me firmly state that I am NOT contemplating taking my own life.

I would prefer if the moderators didn't hide this due to the subject matter because BYOND's audience is roughly the age group I'm looking to get input from. I would also prefer that the comments remain civil. I will probably not post my own thoughts here for that very reason.

Now for the meat.

The subject of suicide has been following me around my entire life. My mother has made attempts quite a few times throughout my life. She's forty two years of age now and she's spent twenty six of those years in constant physical agony. On occasion, her pain becomes unbearable, her medication doesn't help, and she's ostracized for using drugs that do help.

I remember one particular incident when I was twelve, it was late at night, and her and I were the only ones home. Her pain became unbearable and we took a trip to the hospital where she was told that there was nothing they could do. While we were out, a pet of mine had drowned. When we returned, she had blamed herself and come to the conclusion that it was her fault and that everything she's put me through made her more trouble than she was worth and downed a bottle of prescription painkillers. I was the one to make the call for help.

In a more recent incident, my mother's boyfriend tossed her out on her ass emotionally because she smoked marijuana. Through the years, painkillers have never been strong enough to help her without serious side effects (like death) and marijuana has been the only drug that's helped. She went off the deep end this time. For her, both of her kids are grown up (heh) and she thinks that she was a terrible parent to us (she was), her ex-boyfriend, our step-father, of seventeen years was killed in a car accident with major issues between them unresolved, her current boyfriend now hates her (seriously), only for taking the only drug that helps her, and the only thing she ever looks forward to is seeing her granddaughter, my daughter. She came to the conclusion that life was no longer worth living and downed another bottle of prescription painkillers.

Even more recently, my ex-girlfriend tried the same method because I broke up with her.

All three incidents brought up radically different feelings for me; fear, sympathy, and disgust, respectively. I have been thinking heavily about these for months now and I've looked to several mediums for opinions and media to relate to.

With those and several other attempted and successful suicides looming in my background, I hold to non-traditional and underdeveloped ideas of suicide. If discussion arises in comments and it remains civil, I may post my sentiments on the subject. Personally, I could never reach the mental state where suicide was an option. I have people that I need to be there for and projects that I will always need to finish.

I would like to know of your sentiments on the subject of suicide and stories, if necessary.