Pumpkin muffin: Check.
TV tuned to NBC: Check.
Joel Goddard on the mike: Check.
Macy's takes over New York: Check.
Let the live-blogging begin! I'll be updating as events happen.
Oh gads, I forgot Meredith Vieira does this now.
Snoopy! Huzzah! Kanye West is coming. I wonder who he'll interrupt. Michael Grimm from AGT will be performing. Good for him. Mannheim Steamroller! Holy crap, that's cool. And Summer Glau, presumably not in a box. My new hero Alton Brown is in the line-up as well--I believe he'll be on the big turkey float. Ah yep, there's a shot of him now. Bring on the Broadway acts.
Huh. As country as this opening song is, it can't actually pick a musical genre. Also, you can't do Cotton Eye Joe with female vocals--it just sounds stupid, at least until you hear Hamsterdance-like music following it. Why not just use the Rednexx version?
Macy's commercial, including a scene from Miracle on 34th Street (the original, not the crappy remake). True story: I went to buy that this year and couldn't find it at Best Buy. Eventually someone showed me their Christmas movie section but said they couldn't find it there. I went over and it was right at eye level.
This song from Memphis is underwhelming me.
The cast of American Idiot is performing Time of Your Life (Good Riddance). I have to say, I've always been hot and cold to Green Day but I've never cared one bit for this song. It's not bad, it's just freaking overplayed. The only difference between this and the version I always hear on the radio is I'm not changing the channel this time to look for something better, and it's not something the cast gets credit for. Boring.
Al, I love ya buddy but get out of the street!
A disheartening number of these musicals seem to be about Baby Boomer reminiscences. This song isn't bad, although the guy playing Elvis looks more like a cross between John Cusack and D.B. Sweeney.
Another Macy's commercial. Gads, there are people would have a complete breakdown if a clown woke them up at 3 AM. Like 60% of the population. And a state-sponsored commercial for CFLs, the light bulb that doesn't live up to any of its claims of longevity and will give future generations mercury poisoning because of morons who pass laws banning incandescents.
NBC is bringing back The Sing-Off. Didn't watch the first season. Given their timing and that they intend to air this on Mondays, I won't be watching this season either. Sorry, How I Met Your Mother and House win. But kudos to the network for spotlighting a capella. I went to see Straight No Chaser perform last weekend and they were fantastic.
Chase commercial. It's a sad day for George Michael when his song is hawking a credit card instead of being better known for a video featuring every major supermodel of the '90s and more explosions than Michael Bay's dreams.
I wonder if The Cape will be any good. Summer Glau's in it, so probably, I guess.
And now a song from Elf, the musical. I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite.
Somebody actually said this: "Blockbuster has hot new titles, like The Kids Are All Right and Charlie St. Cloud." Somebody flunked adjectives 101.
Here comes flying ace Snoopy! It's amazing how long and how well the Peanuts characters have endured in the hearts of America. Now if they'd only get around to releasing Race For Your Life, Charlie Brown on DVD....
And there's Alton Brown on the Tom Turkey float. This song isn't so hot though.
Huh, another celebrity chef and another song. Only this is a song that's recognizable, Arlo Guthrie's accent notwithstanding. His daughter's singing with him and she has a very very bad case of '70s Vocalist. Ack. Oh well. Hey, there's Kermit!
Here comes the Sesame Street float. I just found out the other day that Elmo's been on the show for 25 years. Good gads. Elmo is after my time.
Apparently the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series is incredibly popular. You wouldn't know it from the movie. I saw preview after bad preview for the film and you couldn't have dragged me into a theater to see it if you'd held a gun to my head.
Of all the songs for Jimmy Fallon to perform, he has to sing the hackneyed sanctimonious Do They Know It's Christmas? as part of a medley? Good gads, I change the radio to another channel whenever the Christmas stations play it.
Here comes Ronald McDonald though, another of my personal heroes. Horrible music moment over.
And now some actual good music. It's Mannheim Steamroller, coming at us with keyboards blazing.
The minions from Despicable Me are making off with part of a replica of the Statue of Liberty, and Miranda Cosgrove. Good luck, guys.
Following Captain Mickey holding his ridiculously undersized anchor, we have the US pizza twirling team. To quote Chris Hardwick, is that really a thing? I mean, a team? Do they have sponsors? Do they compete in some kind of event, like the Food Network F Games? What other events are there? So many questions.
We have a pep rally float. Huh. Because apparently nothing says Thanksgiving like... pep rallies. And it's followed by cheerleaders doing a routine to very short snippets of the Beach Boys' greatest hits. Nothing against the Beach Boys, but I don't get it.
Whooooo lives in a pineapple under the sea? Man, it looks like they caught him in freeze frame during a stage dive, and he's about to mosh the crowd. Behind him is a pirate ship with a guy singing a song entirely in Spanish. I don't understand a word of it, nor the point thereof. Plus he sounds like Neil Diamond. Gah.
Huh. That Yogi Bear movie hits theaters December 17. I've seen precisely one preview for it before now. Translation: The studio isn't throwing much marketing behind this except when they think kids are watching, which means it's going to suck suck suck suckity suck. Ironic because the character means more to adults anyway. I wonder who green-lit the project and what job they'll get in Washington, DC to celebrate their incompetence. Well anyway I'll be going to see Tron Legacy.
I can't decide if the Black Eyed Peas are more annoying or less annoying as a marching band medley. I think I'll go with less. At least I like marching bands.
Kylie Minogue is up. Everyone lip-syncs these events but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she's actually singing live because she actually can. I like her music when she's not so much in the disco mode. I should probably take a second look at her stuff, actually.
Oh good gads. There's a local commercial for a personal injury law firm offering to represent snowmobilers. I wish them no ill or anything, but people who get hurt on snowmobiles usually bring it all on themselves. Unless you hit one with a car or plant a land mine on a trail I don't see how you're liable for an injury.
Aw, it's the last year for the Shrek balloon? That's sad.
Also sad: Freaky anime creature balloons. And I don't mean Pikachu. Gads, if only. What in the frell is wrong with Japan?
Keri Hilson, who I've never heard of before today and hopefully won't hear of again based on the strength of her lousy song. She's singing a song where a lot of the words have to be bleeped out while she's on top of the princess float with a bunch of little girls. You stay classy, Keri.
Well, the Power Rangers have been reborn as samurai. Okay, sure, what the heck. It's not like I'll be watching either way.
Gads Michael Grimm is fantastic. I'm happy to see Jackie Evancho is making the circuit too though--she'll be performing for the tree lighting in Rockefeller Center.
There's the classic firefighter balloon, who has been in a few different jobs since his debut in 1946. I can't see that balloon without thinking of Miracle on 34th Street.
Kung Fu Panda is coming down the street. I still need to see that movie. And behind him, there's the Hess Truck float toting a boy band called Big Time Rush. As boy band music goes it's tolerable, but I have to say I'm sick of hearing the signature Auto-Tune whine.
Now there's Pikachu, led by two new Pokemon. At this point no one's ever gonna collect 'em all. I actually can't look at Pikachu without thinking of an awesome video mashup of Pokemon clips to a Mindless Self-Indulgence song.
I really want to see Tangled. My wife and I saw Harry Potter 7.1 last weekend--fortunately it wasn't too crowded at the late night show, though there was still a line to get in. Part 2 is gonna be freaking epic.
Spider-Man, not yet grittily and prematurely rebooted (what the heck, Hollywood?), leads the big apple float carrying Kanye West. Why is this guy popular? Talented or not, he's a wank. Screw the idiot. (I have a similar attitude toward Russel Crowe, who is graciously not appearing in this parade.)
Waking up to Jessica Simpson, much better than waking up to a clown. But after the Macy's ad we have another rehash of the HP ad with the traveling baby and the screechy rendition of that roller skate song. I totally want to strangle the person who picked the music for that commercial--not fatally, just to make the point. And there's an ad for The Sing-Off--the Lady GaGa thing has already been done by Straight No Chaser, with 10 guys instead of 15, so I'm not so impressed by the promo.
And now, Horton hears a Bollywood routine.
Oh yeah! Kool-Aid Man is riding on a skateboard behind a giraffe.
Oh no! It's the Dora float. Gads this song is annoying.
Huh, a marching band from Guatemala. That's different. More them, less Dora.
Okay, the performers dressed as penguins are officially the weirdest thing I've seen so far.
Build-A-Bear has a float with more bubblegum pop. Fairly decent bubblegum pop actually.
To infinity, and beyond! I still haven't seen Toy Story 3. Meant to, but the timing didn't work out.
Oh good gads. A commercial filled with moments of defeat followed by triumph, fairly powerful emotionally, and the tag line is "We all fall down. Thanks for helping us get back up." The message is from GM. Gah! I didn't help you idiots get back up, the idiot politicians who insisted on bailing you out did. I was forced to pay for getting you back up. Don't expect me to be grateful.
Jessica Simpson has a Christmas song. She'll always have a special place in my heart for ripping the beat from a horrific and inexplicably popular John Mellencamp song and putting it into something I could tolerate. I didn't think that was possible.
Matt Lauer can't imitate the Pillsbury Doughboy for crap.
On this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that the bulk of the parade is going by in front of a massive Victoria's Secret billboard.
The song Blue Skies always puts me in the mood to watch White Christmas, which I've done for a couple of years now while putting up the tree. Which means I have some work to do in the living room this weekend. I also need to look for some good shatterproof silver bulbs that have a shiny finish--I couldn't find much last year, and I need it because Puff likes to climb the tree.
A car commercial. I noticed this year I haven't seen commercials where people give their loved ones a Lexus with a bow on it. Frankly that was a stretch even for the last two years.
The Santa balloon is here, followed by a band peforming My Favorite Things. Shockingly this song, which has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas and has no place among Christmas music, has been sneaking into holiday collections since the freaking '60s. Who knew?
And now here comes Generic Smurf. He's the one who's a stereotype of all the other Smurfs.
"The official Christmas season begins with comedian Joan Rivers...." Wait, what? Joel, are you screwing with my head?
This Ann Callaway person performing Yes, Virginia has way too low a voice. It's freaking me out. If I didn't see her with the mike I wouldn't know if man or a woman was singing. I demand more gender of my vocalists. Also the song is boring.
And now, here comes Santa Claus himself. As you all know the real Santa holds court at Macy's in New York. He certainly looks happy to be here this year, and after all why not? Meredith Vieira just gave a nice shout out to our troops overseas.
I'm starting to get seriously hungry now. As it should be. And before John O'Hurley brings on the dogs, I'd like to wish a happy Thanksgiving to one and all, except the goons behind this stupid CFL commercial. Oh heck, them too. I hope everyone gets their fill of good food, and enjoys watching the stuffing get beaten out of the Detroit Lions.