It all started when our uber geek, Aaiko, woke up in a bush. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously puzzled, Aaiko backhanded a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved computer was missing! Immediately he called his enemy in training, Jack. Aaiko had known Jack for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Jack was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... abrasive. Aaiko called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Jack picked up to a very calm Aaiko. Jack calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters belch before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually explosively panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Aaiko. Why was Jack trying to distract Aaiko? Because he had snuck out from Aaiko's with the computer only four days prior. It was a electric little computer... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Aaiko got back to the subject at hand: his computer. Jack cringed. Relunctantly, Jack invited him over, assuring him they'd find Aaiko's computer. Aaiko grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Jack realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Aaiko's computer and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Aaiko took the lawnmower, he had to take at least two minutes before Aaiko would get there. But if he took the Cardboard box... Then Jack would be exceedingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Jack was interrupted by eight Man-eating bunnies that were lured by his Aaiko's computer. Jack yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he recklessly reached for his potato and aptly decapitated every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Cardboard box rolling up. It was Aaiko.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Aaiko was out of the Cardboard box and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Jack's front door. Meanwhile inside, Jack was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Aaiko's computer into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Jack was worried but at least the Aaiko's computer was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Jack wildly purred. With a skillful push, Aaiko opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering zealous...zealot in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Jack assured him. Aaiko took a seat frighteningly close to where Jack had hidden the Aaiko's computer. Jack sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Aaiko was distracted. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Jack noticed a annoying look on Aaiko's face. Aaiko slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Jack felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when Aaiko asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Aaiko's computer right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Aaiko's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Aaiko nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Jack could react, Aaiko aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Aaiko's computer was plainly in view.
Aaiko stared at Jack for what what must've been four seconds. Before anyone could take off their pants, Jack lunged earnestly in Aaiko's direction, clearly desperate. Aaiko grabbed the Aaiko's computer and bolted for the door. It was locked. Jack let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Aaiko,' he rebuked. Jack always had been a little pestering, so Aaiko knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Jack did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he gripped his computer tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Jack looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Aaiko. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Aaiko. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Jack walked over to the window and looked down. Aaiko was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Aaiko was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Jack's place. Aaiko had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Man-eating bunnies suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Aaiko's computer. One by one they latched on to Aaiko. Already weakened from his injury, Aaiko yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Man-eating bunnies running off with his computer.
About six hours later, Aaiko awoke, his shin throbbing. It was dark and Aaiko did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting foxy forest, Aaiko was abnormally lost. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he remembered that his computer was taken by the Man-eating bunnies. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen Man-eating bunnies emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha Man-eating bunnies. Aaiko opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Man-eating bunnies sunk its teeth into Aaiko's throat. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Aaiko's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than ten miles away, Jack was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Aaiko's computer. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened knife. With a inept thrust, he buried it deeply into his shin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Aaiko... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the computer that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Man-eating bunnies, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.
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Wow... Interesting :S
Posted by Shadow9812 on Wednesday, May 03, 2006 06:20PM
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