Allow me to vent, please. I would do it on my Livejournal, but that's kind of like a "seperate life" situation where no one there understands what kind of stress I may possibly be going through, if it's BYOND related. And I suppose that would be alright, if it weren't for the fact that last time I did that, about 12 people assumed that I was mentioning them and I ended up pissing about 6 of 'em off.

If forced to be optimistic, I guess that I'm glad all of this is happening during the summer. I'm bored as hell and all, but I'm glad that all this drama is rearing its ugly head around this time... because I know I wouldn't be able to handle it at all if it was during school...

Honestly, I'm finding it hard to concentrate on my own worries at the moment. In the past few days, I've stayed up and flopped around my bed because I haven't been able to sleep, thinking about the day's events. Maybe I'm looking into things too much? Maybe I shouldn't even be worrying about some of the stuff I'm worrying about--after all, none of it is REALLY my business. I can't help but be concerned for a lot of people though. I can't help but be upset. I guess you can call it 'in my nature'...I'm just a worrywart at heart...?

I don't mind people telling me their problems. I don't mind it when people look to me just to vent and clear their head of any thoughts. It's...better that I listen, because I've always liked listening instead of talking. It may seem like the opposite, but it's much easier on me if I'm asked to just listen. (Or if on the intarwebs, read..) But I suppose all of this stress is coming down on me because of the fact that so much of my friends are all going through so much. And I'm sensitive towards people's feelings, especially if they're close to me. I wish I could be a perpetually happy person, and cheer people up. But my moods fluctuate depending on those that I love, and since almost everyone I know is going through a rough time, I'm really upset too. Mostly at myself for not being able to help them, or make them smile. Mostly because I feel so useless as a friend.

I guess what I'm trying to tell myself is that I need a break from the internet... I'm not sure if that's the best option though. I'm pretty positive that people would get along without me, even more positive that my going away might even help people. It's kind of sad though. The only reason I'm clinging onto the internet is because I feel like I have no life outside of it. It's summer, I'm stuck home alone all day...what else is there to do? I think the only obstacle from me taking a break from the internet would be boredom. Because just HOW many hours can Diamond entertain me until I'm just so sick and tired of hearing the SAME Bidoof and the SAME Starly over and over and over again?

My parents are even starting to worry about me. I don't talk that much during dinner anymore, and often I just...find myself not caring about what they say. And I'm not like that... er, that's to say.. I wasn't? I love my parents a lot, I really do, and I have no problem admitting that. But I really hate myself for 'shunning' them because of what's happening on the internet right now. ._. I feel like I'm distancing myself from them, and for no reason at all, really...

....actually I think I contradicted myself a few times in the above paragraphs, but I'm so confused I don't even know what to do or say...

Not to mention, one of my best friends is totally ignoring me right now. Our interests are SO different now that I find it hard to carry conversations with her, and I don't know what to do about that. Actually I had a feeling that this 'time' would come soon, but I don't want to face it. Yes, people move along. Yes, people change. But part of me doesn't want to face that because we were really close... so uh... I don't know how it's going to work out. But then again, I'm finding myself in a lot of fucked up relationships at the moment, so eh.

My feelings, for the most part, are very mixed at the moment. And I wish I could sort everything out, but I can't even handle my own problems at the moment...actually, there's not much I could do about my own problems anyway, so what's there to worry about?

Maybe it's all karma coming back to kick my ass... e_e;; I wouldn't doubt it.

Sorry for this post, really. I just don't...really have a place where I could vent to and just...let it all out.

I actually didn't even think I'd get one of these things. Just don't see what the hype was all about. But then SUI had to be a big moneyspender and get one for me. D8;;; YOU HAVE ME DROWNING IN GUILT I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. >: Thank yooou. xDDD~

...so anyway. I'm supposed to be doing homework at the moment; we're starting the Odessy. Even though I've read it in 6th grade already but hey. It's a decent piece of work.

...and wtf my layout looks so orange black and full of WIIINNNN. -shot- Well not really. I'm not a pro at CSS, so I just copy-pasted from that little box, and stuff. ..;; Go me.