not bad at all, im not of a music ear though. Just lison to my song>> http://fcf.50g.com/creep_of_the_jungle.mid

Gughunter wrote:

I would really love some feedback, both positive and negative.

I like it! The couple of phrases (themes? motifs? You know what I'm trying to say) underlying "and then she was gone" are very memorable, and it highlights them well to have them come in after several measures of more dissonant music. I suspect I'll have them running through my head for a while.

Thanks for the comments. Having it "running through your head" is a good compliment :-)

I'm pretty darned proud of this piece. I'll probably put the finishing touches on it tonight.

Skysaw wrote:

Hi again all. It's time for me once again to share my latest work-in-progress. This is yet another departure for me. Hmm... what do you call it when every piece you write is a "departure?"

Mercury in Retrograde

I would really love some feedback, both positive and negative.

Skysaw

Wow, I love the lyrics for this song! The music is a little mellow for what I normally like. Well not really mellow, just the key you played your music in I think. It might also be because im not too much for paino music, except for Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah... and I still like that song better when I perform it at gigs and on my guitar. I also feel I sing that song a little better too though.

Anyway, my suggestions:
When you sing, "break the wall between us", it might sound better if you stretch out between and us and kinda slow it all down. I would say the same with second verse. When you stretch out what your singing in that song, it sounds really good. So maybe you could do it more often since you have large gaps in between your vocals where you play music. I wouldn't go over board with it though.

Another idea is to record back up vocals with no effect on them or a different effect on them. That might produce an interesting result.

Ebonshadow wrote:

Wow, I love the lyrics for this song!

Thanks for the compliment! Lately, my lyric writing has been very interesting. I tend to have most of the music done first, then just go up to the mike and start singing. The first couple of times is just a melody without words, then words start sticking themselves in where they sound right. Usually, the sound of the word comes first, then I tweak for meaning. Rhyming is almost never where you expect it to be.

The music is a little mellow for what I normally like. Well not really mellow, just the key you played your music in I think. It might also be because im not too much for paino music, except for Rufus Wainwright...

Yeah, I spent some time asking myself "is this too wimpy?" But I like it too much to torture myself over that question. There's enough unusual subtle stuff going on, that it keeps it sounding unique.

Anyway, my suggestions:
When you sing, "break the wall between us", it might sound better if you stretch out between and us and kinda slow it all down. I would say the same with second verse. When you stretch out what your singing in that song, it sounds really good. So maybe you could do it more often since you have large gaps in between your vocals where you play music.

I appreciate the suggestion, but the effect is exactly as intended. I like the holes in the melody... sort of like stopping to think between short memory fragments. It also gives it a lot of breathing room.

Another idea is to record back up vocals with no effect on them or a different effect on them. That might produce an interesting result.

This is actually what is already in place, though I need to try to separate it a bit more. The vocal is with reverb alone panned slightly left, while a warbly version of it is panned slightly right. What I want to do is try to make them heard as two different sounds, even though the source vocal is the same on both. This is the sort of thing I take ages tweeking.

Thanks for the comments!

I finally got a chance to listen to this (I got my sound card back from my brother) and I love it!

I usually don't like slower songs like this, but I definately like this one!

If I see a Red Wire cd in HMV, I'm definately going to buy it.

Er, are you going to distribute to stores and whatnot? You better be :)

=V