The following is a message from LAX himself, followed by me typing things he says.

Dear Byond Members, I am sorry and regretful to tell you I am leaving. To bad for you guys because I have become your false idle and you all worshiped me and now I am leaving hahahahahahahahahahahah bafoons.


Here I type things he says:

Me: Any interesting things?
LAX: Well... If I don't finish my assignments in this computer media class, I will fail. But that has no consequence for the almighty greatness that will radiate from the omnipotent power of me leaving.
Me: Anything else?
LAX: Now for my speech:

Recently, I have had lots of time to look back at both my past and my future, and through my searching I have come across an Icon, his name is Crash Bandicoot. Recently I have been playing these games known as Crash Bandicoot, and they have taught me something. I have learned, that no matter how stupid and gimmicky an anthropomorphic animal with blue jeans fighting evil geniuses is. I have seen that the heart and determination he possesses towards himself and his peers is outstandingly surreal, and in this world of anthropomorphic bandicoots, one man will rise above the influence, like those commercials where they have those weird kids saying that they do stuff like getting straight D's or making their mom cry and I have much respect for the producers of such a discriminatory advertisement such as that. Hence causes the phrase, "Think with your dipstick Jimmy!". This leads to my inspiration of either catching em' all or voting for Pedro. But enough rambling, I find myself to be a person of many tastes, ranging from fine cuisine to a man getting whacked in the back of the head with a steel chair. And so, I now find myself on the path to the land of the rising sun, with many people of genius that believe you can save money by switching to Geico. So to those of you who are still reading this, I commend you for either being a real man of genius or a retard (named Roscoe.) Either way, you are diligent enough to still be reading my speech and if you make it to the end you get a prize! Now for more intelligent rambling... Too Be Continued...

Here is the second part of this interview that I am now starting:

Me: What kind of place do you think you are going to live in?
LAX: Psh... I don't know, a House?
Me: No idea huh?
LAX: Sure

Me: Are you going to go to school there?
LAX: Yes
Me: What kind of school?
LAX: A public school
Me: Better than ours?
LAX: Yeah sure, why not.
Me: Do they speak english at this school?
LAX: I don't know
Me: And if they don't, how will you communicate?
LAX: I don't know
Me: RetardssayIdontknow
LAX: What?
Me: Damnit!

Me: Will I be able to interview you after you come back?
LAX: I don't know
Me: Your a**hole dude, 'retardssayIdontknow' and you say 'what?'...

Me: Any special events?
LAX: What? What special events could you possibly be talking about? No theres no special events.
Me: Any ceremonies?
LAX: I don't know

Me: Do you think you will be able to speak fluent Japanese when you come back?
LAX: Sure

Me: Are you going to bring back any souvenirs?
LAX: Mm, possibly.
Me: For me?
LAX: ................ No

Me: Will you do me a favor?
LAX: What?
Me: Will you help me destroy Naruto once and for all?
LAX: .... Naruto sucks
Me: I kno-
LAX: Period.
Me: I know, thats why we need to destroy it.
LAX: When I think of Naruto I think of retarded ninjas in orange jumpsuits who think they can accomplish anything they want because they shout it outloud over...and over....and over again. Like if I just sat here and said, "I want to be the President, BELIEVE IT!" Then apparently it would happen, because I shouted it like a retard. Period.
Me: So your saying President Obama shouted that?
LAX: No I didn't say that, I said if this was Naruto that would be the case.
Me: What about Former President Bush?
LAX: When I think of President Bush I think of, 'What is more acceptable for a presidency than the closest thing to Larry the Cable Guy with a minor education in Narutoism.'

Me: Explain Narutoism
LAX: Mi juevos es muy grande y tu madre es muy estupido.
Me: I don't speak Japanese.
LAX: Now I think of this situation that you and I are having at this moment can be simply explained by two things:
Numero Uno: Your lack of intelligence.
And
Numero Dos: Tu juevos es muy pequeno y tu padre es muy feo.
Me: I said I don't speak Japanese.
LAX: *speechless*
Me: *waiting*
LAX: In Pokemon you capture random animals and you make them fight each other for money and I find that enjoyable.
Me: Are you saying that Japanese people have some sort of connection to Pokemon?
LAX: ...Possibly
Me: Conspiracy?
LAX: .....Im Sorry, I have something stupid in my ear.
Me: I don't see anything.
LAX: How about you try saying something that doesn't make your mom cry at night?

Me: One year seems a long time, how will you deal with this?
LAX: Well, when you have the Japanese to keep you company-

The interview was cut short as our teacher needed to show us some apple movie stuff, and the fact that LAX needed to get his work done for the class before he leaves for Japan. Hopefully in a year, a new interview will be created, and it will show us the adventures LAX has taken through Japan, one that will eventually (never) become a movie. So I give you the second interview of three, with my friend LAX...


-TM

In four days from today, my friend LAX (as he wanted me to name him here) is going to leave for Japan. Here is an interview:

Me: Why are you going to Japan?
LAX: What do you mean why am I going to Japan? I'm going because I want to and this school sucks ass.

Me: How long will you be gone?
LAX: A year, I already told you that.
Me: It is for the blog.
LAX: I know that, I'm right here.

Me: What will you be doing in Japan?
LAX: I'm going to be, Uh. I don't know, chasing after some Japanese chicks.
Me: What kind of chicks do you suppose you will find once you arrive in Japan?
LAX: Japanese ones...
Me: I mean... What Kind?
LAX: Well Definitely not fat, no fat chicks.
Me: What else?
LAX: Well... uh. Um... The um... the.. the kind... that...thinks I'm awesome cause I'm.... American.
Me: Ai't

Me: Any thing special, godzilla finding?
LAX: No.
Me: Sure?
LAX: Ya
Me: Is that a bunchy bunch or just a little bit?
LAX: Yea sure...
Me: You have to say Bunchy Bunch.
LAX: I'm not saying that.
Me: Come on, Ill support you.
LAX: *looks at computer screen, then at me, then back at computer screen, then back at me, then back at computer screen while I'm typing this*
Me: *motioning for him to talk*
LAX: Seriously, this is stupid.
Me: Its for a rightous cause LAX.
LAX: Rightious cause my ass.

Me: What part of Japan are you going to?
LAX: Handa-Shi
Me: Where the hell is that?
LAX: By the ocean.
Me: What part of Japan? East? West? North? South?
LAX: South
Me: By Tokyo?
LAX: No, not even near Tokyo.
Me: By where we kicked some Japanese ass with our bombs?
LAX: No.
Me: Is it on another Island?
LAX: No, It's on the main Island.
Me: By Honshu?
LAX: I don't know where that is.
Me: Ok...
Lax:...

Me: Anything you want to say to the people of Japan?
LAX: Um.. Me Big Strong.. American Man... You Love Me... Long Time.
Me: Is that it?
LAX: Yeah

Me: What do you wish to learn by next year?
LAX: Secrets of the Universe and.... Why Mickey Mouse wears red shorts.

Me: You know how speak Japan?
LAX: Hia, watashi wa eitokano, screw it, yes I speak it.
Me: What?
LAX: TM, Do you like Pie?
Me: Why yes LAX.
LAX: And do you like strudel?
Me: No.
LAX: How about poontang pie?
Me: Uh..
LAX: What do you think of me going to Japan?
Me: Well LAX, I think of--
LAX: It doesn't matter what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me:...Psh

Me: Do you have anybody in Japan that you know?
LAX: No.
Me: How do you plan to live in Japan for a year?
LAX: With ah, Japanese Family.
Me: And you don't know them?
LAX: Nope.
Me: Could it be that these Japanese people are actually spies?
LAX: Nope.
Me: How do you know if you do not-
LAX: Cause I'm a genius.

Me: What kind of food are you going to be eating?
LAX: Japanese Food.
Me: Rice?
LAX: Sure
Me: Hot or Cold?
LAX: Hot
Me: Soup?
LAX: Yea
Me: Hot or Cold?
LAX: I dont know, Whatever.
Me: So Im asking you whether you like hot or cold soup and you answer with, 'I dont know, whatever'
LAX: *chuckle*

Me: Are you going to get a sword?
LAX: No.
Me: Why?
LAX: Exactly, Why?
Me: Cause all Japanese people have swords.
LAX: Bullsh**
Me: Prove it!
LAX: Mmmmmmm ...... Swords are illegal in Japan.
Me: Mmmm! Breaking their own rules aren't they?
LAX: Nope.

Me: What kind of toilet do you expect to use?
LAX: A regular toilet?
Me: What kind of toilet Paper?
LAX: Ok this is over.

Me:What do you think you will find unusual about Japan?
LAX: The lack of stupid people like you.
Me: What?
LAX: Ok now, Ok seriously can we stop this now, Im not answering any more of your stupid questions.
Me: Why?
LAX: (No Response)

Me: Alright, can you atleast ask a question for these here people of BYOND? *hands keyboard over*

LAX: Roses are Red, Violets are blue, TM needs to stop breaking my balls. And rhyming is for queers soooooooooo. The end. Leave a comment or something on what you thought of this interview.
*hands keyboard back to me*

Me: Thank you LAX, alright let's post.... right after I leave a end comment thing like they do on those Magazines.

LAX is a student in the United States of America, he has helped TM on some occasions including with the post, 'This Game Failed.' LAX will be traveling to Japan for a year, and will be missed, but hopefully TM can convince him to blog about it on a membership so BYOND can know and love him.

-TM

Here are some things I think we all need:

A Rock-em Sock-em Robots game for BYOND.
Why?
Disputes could be settled a hell of a lot faster this way, instead of flaming another person, challenge them to a Rock-em Sock-em Robots game, if they decline then they shall be added to the fail list. Unless of course the dispute is retarded, then it will be put aside.

But if they accept then Rock-Em Sock-Em Robots! Whoever wins gets the Win of the dispute.


A Firefox add-on.
Why?
It would be easier to use so you could search for games from all around the internet, Tabs like the same as on the top of this website:
My Account| Games Developers Community Help| This Site
Favorite games and then Search


This is a sponsored message by TM:
TM, supporting your bans since 2004.

Sonic and the Black Knight, a game that failed badly.

According to my friend, while in this current Comp. Media class of mine Sonic & the Black Knight sucked.
Heres what IGN said about the game:

Presentation: 8.5
Slick interface, crisp cut-scenes, online trading system and leader boards. In-game graphics look good. Dialog is too campy.

Graphics: 8.5
Really pretty. Varied leveled designs come to life with good art and great effects.

Sound: 7.5
There's a lot of voice work and music and a good chunk of it is over_the_top campy.

Gameplay: 3.0
Possibly designed by monkeys. Everything you've ever liked about Sonic Games - speed, great level designs -- is gone. Instead, you will crawl through stages and fight enemy after enemy, with waggle.

Lasting Appeal: 3.0
You can beat the primary single-player mode in a few hours and then you'll unlock some extra playable characters. But there's no part in going back unless you like torturing yourself.

Overall: 3.9/Bad
(Out of 10/Not an average)




Several comments include:

Dillo64, "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... HA HA HA HA HA... *hangs self*"

Venom1281, " WOAH. That's an impressive score."

Adfeathers, "For the love of God, can we just end ours and Sonic's misery already and put a bullet in his head?"


BillyChicago, " This might be one of my favorite reviews by Matt. One of my favorite quotes: "This is the backbone of the offensively awful design template that is a succubus, perpetually draining fun away from the experience." Brilliant"

Sergotmatico, "Please please please just put this dying dog down already Sega. Sometimes you just have to know that it's over and just let go."

Chronodestroyer, "Either do Sonic right or kill him (and perhaps yourself as well), Sega. You may not realize this, but with each terrible Sonic game made, you kill off a bit of our childhood everytime. So, please, stop it."




My friend says, "Go out and buy this game." Finished with a slight chuckle, (But hes serious.)

-TM