More from the boys vs girls department.
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through cash machines enabling customers to withdraw money without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of cheque-book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

=> Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to
launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners,
military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling
at maximum velocity.

The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of
collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength
of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were
eager to test it on the windshields of their new
high speed trains.

Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the
British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked . . .

. . . as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into
the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted
through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest
in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin,
like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results
of the experiment, along with the designs of the
windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

You're going to love this......

NASA responded with a one-line memo:

=> "Defrost the chicken."

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check it out these actual cases. . . . .

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly The two helpeless protesters were trampled to death.


What?! STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?

You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive?

This little list makes one think, and may put
things in perspective:


Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 $ 9.52 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 $10.00 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 $10.17 per gallon

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 $10.32 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 $25.42 per gallon

Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 $33.60 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 $84.48 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 $123.20 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 $178.13 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER . . .

Evian water 9 oz $1.49 $21.19 per gallon!


$21.19 FOR WATER! . . . and most buyers don't even
know the source. But then again "EVIAN" spelled
backwards is "Naïve."

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your
car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or
even worse, PEPTO BISMOL or NYQUIL!!!


Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your
next trip to the pump . . .

What is you're all time favorite games console?