Here's my plan:
Evil Plan (tm)!
Your objective is simple: World Domination.
Your motive is a little bit more complex: Evil - It's my nature
To begin your plan, you must first devour a pope. This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to appease the gods, terrified by your arrival. Who is this despoiler of all that is good and nice and true? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?
Next, you must vaporize the internet. This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will spontaneously combust, as countless hordes of ninjas hasten to do your every bidding.
Finally, you must send forth your armies of destruction, bringing about pain, suffering, the usual. Your name shall become synonymous with evil, and no man will ever again dare cross you. Everyone will bow before your incredible power, and the world will have no choice but to make you their new god.
I think the best part is the fact that I blow up the internet before I send forth the ninja hordes. That way the agony is so much sweeter when you can't blog about how awesome it is that ninja hordes slaughtered your neighbors, right before they slaughter you. Yes, true evil. >:D